10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Saying Yes

Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else, in order to say yes to yourself.

Do you have trouble saying NO to others? Do you often put your own needs last? If you answered yes to either of those questions, you are not alone. Have you ever stopped to think about what it even means to put yourself first?

In my search to lighten up, I have.  I need more time in my life. In practical terms, this means more white space on my calendar, which meant I needed to get better at saying no, now!

Like many of you, the requests for my time happen everywhere-the gym, the grocery store, and this afternoon at the dentist. Out of desperation I revisited one of the books from my Organizational Development Program, The Power of a Positive No by William Ury.

Next I created a Prioritizing Tool consisting of 10 simple questions. I posted them at my home and university office. I quickly realized I needed to either carry them on an index card in my purse or commit them to memory.

The first thing to do when someone ask you to do something is to STOP and pause.  Ask yourself if the task or request aligns with your priorities. Next, pay attention to see if it feels right.  If not, simply decline.

Be prepared by practicing your no in advance. For example, “Thank you for asking me to (fill in the blank) but at this time I can’t give my full attention to your project and it deserves someone who can. I appreciate your asking, and I am honored, however I need to decline.”

The less words the better. Don’t overexplain. Don’t lie. Keep it simple.

Putting in place boundaries, limits, can be difficult. Those around you that are used to you always saying yes may not take it well. Be prepared for disappointed faces, but don’t change your mind.

We need to get comfortable with eliminating things in our lives that are getting in the way of our clarity and focus.

If you want to say yes to something that will give you space and  support your self-care, there is still room in the Summer Retreat.

To receive my Prioritizing Tool click here to continue reading.

10 Questions to ask yourself before saying yes.

  1. Does this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment) fit with my goals?
  2. Does this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment) draw on my strengths?
  3. Does this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment) energize me?
  4. Does this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment) make a valuable contribution to my organization, my community, my life, the world (or whatever the right scope is)?
  5. Am I the only person who can do this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment)?
  6. Why are you asking me to take on this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment)?
  7. Do I care about the person who is asking me to do this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment)?
  8. Do I have the time to do this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment)?
  9. Do I have the skills (or am I interested in acquiring the skills) to do this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment)?
  10. If I do this _______ (activity, task, job, responsibility, commitment) what will I *not* be doing or what will it take the place of?

Disclaimer- This is my personal blog. The opinions and reflections I express do not necessarily represent those of my employer, West Chester University of Pennsylvania.